"My love life is terrible. The last time I was inside a woman was when I
visited the Statue of Liberty."
Woody Allen.

"It's so long since I've had sex, I've forgotten who ties up whom."
Joan Rivers.

"If it wasn't for pick-pockets and frisking at airports I'd have no sex life
at all."
Rodney Dangerfield.

"Sex is one of the most wholesome, beautiful and natural experiences that
money can buy."
Steve Martin.

"My girlfriend said to me in bed last night "you're a pervert";  I said,
"that's a big word for a girl of fifteen".
Emo Philips.

"My wife is a sex object. Everytime I ask or sex, she objects."
Les Dawson.

"I'm such a good lover because I practice a lot on my own."
Woody Allen.


"I believe that sex is a beautiful thing between two people. Between five,
it's fantastic."
Woody Allen.

When I die, I want to die like my grandmother who died peacefully in her
sleep. Not screaming like all the passengers in her car."
Author Unknown.